I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
