a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
