Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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