I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
