I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
