JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize