i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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