i dont even know how to be here
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
