Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
