It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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