Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
