i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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