I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
