I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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