I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
