so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
