you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
