All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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