Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
