I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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