I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
