My cat gives me a boner
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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