My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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