I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
These tits shall not be calmed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
