that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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