remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
