Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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