ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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