so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
