Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
