what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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