I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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