Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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