some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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