i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
