my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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