its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
