i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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