dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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