I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
