Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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