I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
