i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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