Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
