how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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