I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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