What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
