how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
