I hate your face
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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