I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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