Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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