I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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