its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
