the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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