even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
