Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize