Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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