I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
