i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
