I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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