So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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